So recently I have realized that I have been having a (more or less) recurring dream. I remembered the dream for the first tim the other day and I realized that I think that I have had the dream more than once this trip. I always hate when people recount their dreams to me- and I read once that "dreams" were the #1 most boring conversation topic ( thank you yahoo! news)- so I will try keep it to a sentence or two.
Basically, in my dream I am back in high school ( a senior) and I have been missing a lot of school, as I did after my dad passed, but suddenly I realize that I have sort have miscalculated or something and I have missed almost all my math classes for the whole term- and I may have even missed a test or two---and ofcourse I think that the next class has a test but I have no idea what it is on- and I am afraid I am going to fail my class.
I also have other dreams, where I have forgotten and I have an essay due tomorrow which I haven't started or something.
Its so funny- because I think that a portion of me is very confused as to why I have not been in school for so long- something that has basically never happened since the age of 4. I don't know if this is specifically american or just western, but it is almost like my brain doesn't know how to shut off the almost constant stress of school deadlines and grades. i guess certain professions only continue this pattern as well. It is interesting that this is a part of life that is so integral to our existance- although I always did find high school more stressful than college, with higher standards, so it makes sense that my dreams take me back there. I sort of wake up and have to remind myself, that the feeling of guilt that is starting so flow over me is entirely unnecessary- something that is just so relieving.
Similarly, I am still experiencing "traveller's stress" to some extent. Not quite in the same way as before- like I ma not doing enough of something, but I worry that I picked the right tour to most enjoy myself, or worry that I have been stupid to leave myself such little time here- although obviously that is not something that could have helped. As I look ahead to Bolivia though, Bolivia looks so amazing, and part of me is like " is it even worth goign for so short a time when there is so much I wont be able to see?" More and more, I am convinced that travel is 100 times better if you have atleast a month at each stop- and I am increasingly sure that that is the way in which I will try to travel from now on. It is the difference between sightseeing and experiencing.
Anyways. I am leaving the bathouse. research center today. I am sad in some ways but excited for the next part of the journey. I am actually going back out on the reef again on an overnight trip, which should be cool, and I am going to make an overnight stop at Port Douglas. Being here has been one huge dose of environmentalism, as hugh has lots of opninions, and has done lots of study. It is interesting to hear what motivates him to keep working for the environment, as I personally find the whole environmental situation so depressing that I am close to giving up and losing hope. Its been good.
And yesterday I went for a last walk on the beach. I did not see any crocs- which I am actually sad that I will be leaving here without seeing one- but I am also glad that I have not been eaten by one. And also I have not seen a cassowary, which is this huge , about 5 foot native bird. But maybe on the ride home. It will also be nice to be in Port Douglas because they have a stinger net in the water, which they don't here ( we haven't been able to swim off the beach because it is the season for deadly jellyfish). Yesterday though, I visited the most beautiful swimming hole, sort of in a forested area, and freshwater and just amazing plant life. I have pictures of that to post.
The wildlife has been great- from butterflies to turkeys. I have gotten much better with the bugs- to a point that I am amazed.
The other night, I had walked out to go get dinner out, and I had to walk back to the center, down the unlit mainroad, and then down the forested private road to the center. It is funny what scares me on this trip. Potentially cancerous foot? I did ok. But give me a walk in the dark--- and I am freaked out. haha. My flashlight was starting to die as well, and so eventually just turned the flashlight off, and walked by moonlight the rest of the way back. Eventually decided that there was no one following trying to kill me and I calmed down and just walked. For some reason this felt like a big deal and I felt " well if I can do this, I can do anything". Not quite the accomplishment I thought it was in the moment, but it was impowering.
Anyway- I have a bus in two hours, so I have to go pack up my stuff.
More to come very soon,